Degree of Solitude Read online

  It was not just her who craved the touch. Daniel gathered her up against him with a soft groan. He lifted her up so he could plunder her mouth. Then he gave another soft sound of frustration. “We cannot stay here,” he breathed, his lips against hers.

  “The groom’s quarters,” she whispered back. “We passed the steps on the way in. I don’t want to go back to the house yet. Not just yet.”

  He held her away from him so he could examine her face.

  “I know what I am saying, Daniel,” she added. She gave him a small smile. “The advantages of a degree’s worth of eclectic reading is that few of life’s mysteries remain mysteries…on an intellectual level, at least.”

  “Then you have not…”

  “No,” she said. Then, “I never cared to, until now. Now, it is all I can think about.” She picked up his hand and put it against her breast.

  He drew in a sharp, hoarse breath. “I cannot think, not when you do that.”

  “You told me once I would be ruined if I stayed with you. The truth is, you ruined me for any other man a long time ago, Daniel. Now, I am yours.”

  Daniel took her hand and kissed it. He drew her toward the doors and the stairs to the groom’s quarters which lay just beyond.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Catrin knew she should be nervous, but she was not. This moment felt inevitable and Daniel’s arms around her were natural and familiar and welcomed. Once he closed and locked the door to the groom’s quarters, the outside world fell away and it was just the two of them.

  Catrin wasn’t sure who undressed who. Their clothes separated from them in drifts of fabric, liberating them and revealing flesh for exploration. Daniel explored every inch of her, using his mouth and hands. His body supported hers, for she lost the strength in her legs to stand for herself.

  He laid her on the coverlet of the old bed with a soft sound of appreciation as he bent his head to taste her flesh once more.

  He was even more solid and stronger than she had suspected. He was not as tall as the taller men in the family, but he was wide across the shoulders, which his suits hid. His shoulders and arms were powerful, with strength to spare to arrange her on the bed so he might best make her writhe and moan in breathless little pants.

  His dark hair brushed her flesh as his mouth worked against her. His eyes, looking colorless in the early morning light in the room, glittered with heat and emotion as they met hers. Measuring her. Telling her wordlessly how delighted he was she was here with him, for him to do with as he pleased. His mouth curved in a small smile as he watched her respond.

  Even her smallest little gasp seemed to please him.

  Catrin had earned a measure of control over her life in the last few years, thanks to the income she was earning from writing stories and novels. The independence it imparted had become comfortable and pleasing to her. Now, though, Daniel took away from her all choice, any decisions, and all her thoughts. He directed her pleasure with a degree of control which spoke of his own individuality. It was one of the reasons she loved him. She willingly gave him command of her body and mind.

  Daniel brought her quivering to the brink of pleasure more than once before he drew himself over her, and his heavy body pressed against hers. A thrill slithered through her. Her limbs parted instinctively as Daniel’s shaft pressed up against her, seeking entry.

  His gaze held hers as he slid into her with infinite care. He was watching her, measuring her comfort, orchestrating her pleasure.

  Catrin felt none of the pain which was commonly ascribed to this moment. There was a brief moment of pressure, while Daniel paused, as if he sensed it for himself. He eased into her a little deeper, and the pressure vanished.

  When he was fully seated inside her, Daniel lowered his head to hers. He kissed her forehead. “We’ve been fools,” he breathed. “This is as it should have been, all along.”

  She smiled. “You stole my thoughts exactly.”

  Daniel moved against her and her breath escaped in another soundless gasp as his shaft shifted and thrust. He rocked in and out, and her eyes drifted closed. Really, it was a delightful sensation, she decided. Every nerve ending seemed to agree with her assessment, for her skin rippled with delight where he touched her.

  Her nub throbbed with building pleasure once more as his body pressed up against it with each delicious thrust. Only this time, he did not stop and deprive her of the ultimate peak. His thrusts grew firmer and deeper, which was exactly what she craved, although she had not known it until now.

  Catrin squeezed his arms and clawed at the sheet, as the crescendo built and built, then burst like a bubble inside her. It sent waves of joy through her which made her vision sparkle and her body to arch in a tight bow.

  Daniel groaned and rammed himself into her in hard, tight little motions, then grew as still as she, his body taut and stiff. He stayed that way for many heartbeats, his hips shifting the smallest amount, his eyes almost completely closed by the pleasure. Only a sliver of limpid gray showed.

  He scooped her up and rolled onto his back with a careful movement which let him remain inside her. Catrin found herself pressed over him, her knees by his hips.

  Daniel lifted her hair back over her shoulder and tucked it behind her ear. “No…” he said softly. “This isn’t enough. Not yet.”

  “It isn’t,” she agreed breathlessly and bent to kiss him.

  They remained there for the rest of the day, ignored by the main house and left to their solitude. It was a day out of time, one which Catrin would always remember for the pleasure and the swiftly building depth of her love for Daniel.

  In the early afternoon, Daniel dressed swiftly and went to the house to steal food and drink from the kitchen. His booty included a sticky gateau which he licked from Catrin’s fingers and belly, where it had smeared.

  They made love and in between, they talked and ate, or sipped tea or the brandy which he had also collected.

  They did not speak of the future. Not yet. “We’ve spent years declaring our futures to each other, both of us certain there was no room for the other,” Daniel said, shortly after they had climbed the steps to the quarters. “Let’s not speak of the future now. Let’s stay right here, now, in this moment, when it is only the two of us. Later, we can worry about the future.”

  In between, when they spoke, it was of inconsequential things…when Daniel was not enhancing her education about all things sensual and pleasurable. “You’ve read too many books on the subject and not nearly enough time doing it,” he chided her, as he kissed his way down her throat.

  “You are the one who learns from living, remember? I am a woman confined to the house and society. Book learning is the only resource I…oh!” She lost track of what she was thinking, as Daniel’s lips and teeth closed around her nipple and drew it into the heat of his mouth.

  When next she could think, she added, “…besides, the matrons of society would have me tossed from the ton if they saw what I am doing right now.” It took three breaths to speak the sentence, for her body trembled from the afterglow of another sweet peak.

  “Then don’t let them see,” Daniel said, with a practical tone.

  Later, in a quiet moment, Daniel lifted himself up on one elbow and looked down at her. He drew a finger down her cheek, and her throat, then rested his hand on her chest. His hand was reassuringly heavy and warm. “I keep wanting to tell you I love you, only it seems so…inadequate, to say it like that,” he murmured. “I want to find an expression, words which will properly explain to you what I feel, and for once, the words are not there.”

  She smiled. “You often lose all the words when it comes to the deepest emotions, the ones which come from here.” She touched his flesh, over his heart.

  His mouth curled up in a small smile. “I am never short on words, except when it comes to you. You make me speechless, Catrin Davies.”

  “And you found the words, after all,” she whispered, her eyes stinging with tears.

 
; He shook his head. “They’re still a pale ghost of what I feel, yet they must do for now.” And he kissed her.

  He seemed to enjoy kissing her, for he did it a great deal. He did not confine his kisses to her mouth, either. Catrin learned swiftly how much pleasure there was in kissing the way he did it and experimented on Daniel for herself. His body was different from hers, of course, but with Daniel’s hoarse encouragement, she swiftly learned what had the greatest effect upon him.

  When she kissed his shaft and his hand slid into her hair with a convulsive thrust, she applied herself to the task enthusiastically.

  She made him moan and clutch desperately at the bed, his body taut and sheened with effort. With every tendon straining, his pleasure peaked and he gave a wordless cry, almost lifting himself off the bed with the intensity of it.

  Then he laid shuddering, breathing hard. Catrin sat up, pleased, for now she understood she did have power in this situation, after all.

  Toward sunset, something rattled against the window panes, stirring them both from a light slumber.

  The rattle came again, making Catrin start.

  “Pebbles,” Daniel murmured. “Cian is being discreet.” He kissed her temple and got up.

  Catrin rolled onto her side, appreciating the hard lines of his body, as he moved across the room, picking up garments. “What are you doing?”

  “Going to speak to him. It is important, or he would leave us alone.”

  “He’s a very understanding elder brother, isn’t he?” she murmured.

  “Cian has his own challenges which we all leave him to deal with as best he can. He returns the favor in kind. That is why I know it is him down there, tossing gravel against the window. He might have sent Travers to thud on the door with a dour expression, before telling his staff what I have been doing, but he did not. It is why I must speak to Cian.” He bent and kissed her. “Do not move from there,” he added, his voice low. “I will return.”

  “You must,” she whispered. “We are still to talk, remember?”

  He gave her a smile. “Think of this while I am gone, then. If you could live anywhere in the world, Catrin, where would it be?”

  Her breath caught. Delight filled her.

  She rolled onto her back as Daniel rattled down the stairs. She had glimpsed the dizzying possibilities of her future and it stole her breath. She could barely grasp the endless variety of choices.

  Choices. That was what Daniel had offered her. After a lifetime of channeled days and limited options, Daniel had given her the world. The entire world…with him in it.

  Catrin blinked away her tears, over and over, her chest hitching, as pure happiness bubbled in her veins.

  When she heard Daniel’s steps on the stairs, outside, she fought to regather her composure. She sat up, bringing the sheet with her, for it was growing cooler in the room as the night set in.

  Daniel sat on the edge of the bed and for a moment, he didn’t move. He sighed and turned to find her hand and pick it up.

  It was growing dark in the room. She realized she could barely see the details of his face. Only his eyes seemed luminous, as if they were gathering all the light which remained in the day. They glittered as he studied her.

  “What’s wrong?” she whispered.

  “Mairin is in trouble,” he said, his voice low. “We’re rushing to Falmouth tonight to prepare the Natasha Marie.”

  “Sail? To Paris? But…”

  He shook his head. “She is in Algeria. Possibly Iefan, too—we’ll know when we get there. The cutter can get there inside a week. Overland would take too long. Raymond and Jack are in the house now. Ben and the others in London will come down on the midnight train and reach Falmouth in time to join us. We’re taking everyone in the family who can come.”

  “By everyone, you mean all the men, do you not?” Catrin said dryly.

  Daniel didn’t laugh at her. He didn’t dismiss her sarcasm. He smoothed the skin over the back of her hand, his expression thoughtful. “Mairin is in trouble because she is a woman in Algeria,” he said gently. “God knows, she is as determined as you, but she is inexperienced and it is what will snare her. She picked the wrong ground on which to take a stand.” His gaze met hers. “There will be other times and other ways to force men to equal consideration, Cat. This isn’t one of them.”

  Catrin smoothed the sheet over her knee. “I do not believe Mairin chose her ground at all. It is merely where Iefan is—that is why she goes there.”

  “Most likely,” Daniel said softly, his tone one of agreement. “And now we must go to retrieve her, because that is what the family does. I will not refute the point, for it is our greatest strength, this way we unite when there is trouble.”

  “It is,” Catrin said firmly. “I have seen it too often to think you are wrong.”

  Daniel drew her to him. “We have not yet spoken and now there is no time. Cian and the others wait for me in the carriage.”

  “When you get back, we can spend all the time we need to talk,” she breathed against his lips.

  He kissed her. On the mouth, the cheeks, her forehead, then her mouth once more. “I will take more of those when I return.”

  Only, that Daniel—the man who kissed her and sought to find a way with words which would adequately express how he loved her—that man never returned from Algeria.

  In a small gun fight, when the men of the Great Family fought off a tribe of Berbers and their Moroccan prince, and freed Iefan and Mairin from the roof of the French Foreign Regiment’s headquarters, Daniel was shot.

  The bullet struck him in the face, scoring a bone-deep furrow from his jaw to his temple. The presence of a former army surgeon aboard the ship saved Daniel’s life. The ship’s surgeon on the Natasha Marie had done what he could with the injury.

  Catrin did not learn of the injury until three days after the Natasha Marie returned to Falmouth.

  After Daniel left, Catrin remained in the main house at Innesford for the night. She caught the train in the morning and returned to Marblethorpe. There, she moved through her days wearing a small smile, and wrote not a single word of any story.

  She dealt with correspondence from her publisher regarding The Limits Drawn Around Us and its upcoming publication and waited for the men of the family to return—as did all the women at Marblethorpe.

  Then word arrived. A wire was sent from Falmouth, a little over two weeks after the men had left. Catrin’s mother brought the much-handled sheet to Catrin, where she sat at the window seat, watching the blue of the ocean horizon, which now beckoned with such wonderful possibilities. Daniel had given her that horizon-expanding viewpoint in one breath-stealing question.

  Catrin took in her mother’s sober expression.

  “It is bad news, my darling,” Annalies said.

  Catrin took the page.

  MAIRIN SAFE. IEFAN, TOO, BUT INJURED. DANIEL ALSO INJURED. RETURNING TO MARBLETHORPE SOONEST.

  RAYMOND.

  Cian was waiting for Catrin when she arrived at Innesford. He stood in the front hall in his shirt sleeves, his face haggard from lack of sleep and worry.

  “The best doctor in England is on his way to treat Daniel,” he told Catrin. “There are nurses to care for him.”

  “I want to speak to him.” She squeezed her gloved hands together, as she had been doing since she had read the wire. It was better to bruise her hands, than beat in her chest, as she wanted to do. Twisting her knuckles and straining her hands helped with the ache in her chest and the sickness in her belly—a little, anyway.

  Cian caught her arm and held it, as she spun toward the stairs. “He doesn’t want you to see him, Catrin.”

  Catrin laughed—there was no amusement in the expression, though. “Of course he does.”

  Cian shook his head. “No. Daniel specifically said you were not to see him. Don’t you understand? His face is…it is upsetting.”

  Catrin’s heart seemed to tear itself away from its moorings. “I don’t care.”<
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  “He does, Catrin.” Cian’s tone was gentle. He pulled on her arm gently. “Come and sit down. Come. Let me explain.”

  Catrin let him walk her into the drawing room. He put her on the end of the nearest sofa and pulled over the corner chair and put it in front of him. He bent forward, as if it would make his words more earnest. “It’s not just the injury,” he said. “Daniel is…” He hesitated. “The pain is considerable. It affects his behavior.”

  Catrin cringed—not for her, but for Daniel. “I could help.”

  Cian shook his head again. “He is forced to accept help from so many others right now. To have you help, too, would be the last straw for him. Do you see?”

  Catrin’s heart thudded heavily. “He is too proud to let me see him?”

  Cian’s gaze didn’t shift from her face. “He is too weak to dare let you see him,” he said gently.

  Her tears fell, then. “What can I do? How can I help? There must be a way,” she asked brokenly.

  “Go home to Marblethorpe,” Cian told her. “Wait, as patiently as you can manage. If Daniel knows you are waiting for him, it would help him more than any ointment.”

  Catrin returned to Marblethorpe to wait and listen for any skerrick of news from Innesford. Cian wrote occasionally, but as Daniel’s progress toward health was long and difficult, there was rarely news worth sharing.

  In March, Gresham King’s The Limits Drawn Around Us was published quietly, as the publisher had no intention of parading the female author in public. They assured Catrin the book was selling as well as they had anticipated, which she interpreted to mean it was not selling well at all. It was an aberration among Gresham King’s usual adventures. No one seemed to know if the book was serious, or if King was being dryly ironic about the foibles of womanhood.

  In May, though, Catrin’s attention was snatched away from all things literary and anything which she had thought important in her life. She determined with certainty the suspicion which had been growing for weeks.